One thing about trying to read authors you like on the internet, it can be hard as hell to keep up with them. For instance, Michael Lewis always has great long-form articles, but I never know when and where to expect them. Matt Taibbi has had no fewer than three separate blog sites in the last 9 months. At any rate, I just stumbled upon his latest one and wanted to share a funny article from earlier this spring about ugly athletes. Suffice it to say, 80’s-era Celtics are featured prominently. But this description of Kevin Youkilis wins the prize:
Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit. At the plate he disgustingly gushes sweat by some means previously unknown to science in which the moisture travels upward along his body, racing in a cascade from his balls and armpits up his neck, over his head, and back down over the bill of his helmet to shower the plate. Whereas a guy like Teixeira was born with a swing so gorgeous you want to paint it, Youkilis fighting a middle reliever to a nine-pitch walk looks like a rhinoceros trying to fuck a washing machine.
I would quote the bit about the Celtics, but it’s too damn funny for me to pull out of context. Go read the whole thing.