I wanna git mo terrorists

The Right’s reaction to closing gitmo is an absolute bonanza of hypocrisy. As you’ll recall from the Bush Legacee Tour: Revisin’ and Hypnotisin’, (which made the first part of January 2009 such a joy to behold), W was very disappointed that other countries were not stepping up and taking the gitmo prisoners off our hands after we detained them for four or five years and told them to stick their Geneva Convention in their Habeus Corpus. (now that we have elected a real leader, things have definitely changed).

Now that we are finally shutting down what will forever be one of the blackest marks in US history, we are subjected to the following incessant boob-ery:

Yes Sean, I too am so scared, the mere thought of this guy being held in a maximum security prison anywhere within 3000 miles of my front door makes me pee my pants. Guantanamo Bay, however, is located on another planet, and since Bin Laden doesn’t train astronauts, I feel very safe right now. Al Qaeda also doesn’t train people how to make rafts that could get from Cuba to Florida, so anywhere outside the continental US will do.

I really hope Obama wises up and realizes that the only way to combat terrorism is to follow the GOP’s example:

1. arrest as many people as possible, sometimes at random
2. if the Red Cross asks, take them on a tour of the cafeteria and weight room
3. avoid gathering evidence, especially anything that can be used in a court of law
4. secretly release more than 1/2 of them, the ones you’re pretty sure didn’t do anything
5. base the safety of our citizens (and the world’s) on the notion that you’ll be able to create your own new system of justice that will ‘totally work, dude’
6. if anything goes wrong, remember that regardless of how reckless and un-imaginably stupid your plan was, what are they going to do now, release them?

Like we saw on Professor Hannity’s show, the dude rented apartments on the coast of Yemen! What more proof do you need? What do you want them to do, write this shit down on paper and submit it in a court of law?

Can we please return to a policy of black ops assassinations like a civilized superpower? Maybe we can embed Heraldo Rivera with the Green Berets to make sure we can watch on the teevee. How about a reality tv show of the detainees first month in a US prison? Survivor Season 15: Leavenworth!