“I Bring You Long Pig”

Here’s another late-breaking report: kids are still having sex!

Teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do, according to a study released today.

The new analysis of data from a large federal survey found that more than half of youths became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they had taken a “virginity pledge,” but that the percentage who took precautions against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases was 10 points lower for pledgers than for non-pledgers.

Sad to say, to the people who run those programs, that’s called “works-as-designed”.  Having pre-marital sex?  You deserve to get pregnant/diseased.  I remember during the campaign, Obama made a statement about abortion to the effect that, he wouldn’t want his daughters to be “punished” with pregnancy for making a mistake.  Much like the “bitter/cling to their guns” remark, it was a politically awkward statement that had the advantage of being fundamentally true.

I can’t really say that I’m familiar with the virginity pledge, although it sounds like a close cousin to the truly disturbing father-daughter “purity balls”. Wikipedia says the evangelicals thought it up in 1993 and subsequently took it to the next level during the Bush administration, which allowed them to suckle on the teat of federally-funded abstinence-only education.  Nevermind that some of these programs took the opportunity of your tax dollars to birth some new Born-Again Christians.  I’m sure the bulk of these programs were legit, right, Henry Waxman?

The report finds that over 80% of the abstinence-only curricula, used by over two-thirds of SPRANS grantees in 2003, contain false, misleading, or distorted information about reproductive health. Specifically, the report finds:

  • Abstinence-Only Curricula Contain False Information about the Effectiveness of Contraceptives […]
  • Abstinence-Only Curricula Contain False Information about the Risks of Abortion […]
  • Abstinence-Only Curricula Blur Religion and Science […]
  • Abstinence-Only Curricula Treat Stereotypes about Girls and Boys as Scientific Fact […]
  • Abstinence-Only Curricula Contain Scientific Errors […]

Note that this government report was issued 4 years ago.  At the time, the report claimed that “the federal government will spend approximately $170 million on abstinence-only education programs in fiscal year 2005, more than twice the amount spent in fiscal year 2001.”  In other words, we have likely spent a BILLION dollars on… increasing the spread of venereal disease in this country. Heckuva job, prudies!

Here’s an idea… save that money, and instead show the kids the same Woody Woodpecker cartoon that taught me about sex way back when.  It can’t do any worse…

Whatever you do, don’t kiss the buzzard. Ha ha ha HA ha!

  • Jimmy Reefercake

    This topic is in the hypocrisy wheelhouse for sure!

    just think about your high school…were there any teens having sex? …did you have any sex…and if not, was it by choice? i don’t know how you could ask anyone 16 or over to take an abstinence pledge with a straight face….come one now lets be realistic and just hand out condoms to everyone!!

  • Jimmy Reefercake

    speaking of those horny, druggie teens


  • Jimmy Reefercake

    i was going to say they are more honest on their myspace than when they take government surveys…

  • M.Uila

    That article kind of surprised me at the end:

    “It really provides the opportunity to reach millions of potential at-risk teens and try to modify their behaviors or at least prevent them from disclosing them to the entire world,” Christakis said in a telephone interview.

    Their big victory is sexual repression and self-censorship, hooray! Interesting that they did not report a change to the druggies online posting behavior.

  • Jimmy Reefercake

    I love it “at least prevent them from disclosing them to the entire world”!!!!!!!!!